


Running with Him

by SilverNyctophilia



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Author loves to chat in the Comments, Avengers Tower, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Brock Rumlow is a good guy, Christmas Fluff, Disturbing Themes, Domestic Avengers, F/F, F/M, HYDRA Husbands, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pre-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Protective Avengers, Running Away, Sam Wilson is a Gift, Tony Being Tony, goes down hill from there
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2018-10-26 19:55:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10793655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverNyctophilia/pseuds/SilverNyctophilia
Summary: Rumlow made eye contact with Rollins. To the untrained eye it would appear nothing was wrong. He was not untrained, he knew better. Rollins looked like he’d seen a ghost. Kind of like the first time they’d been introduced to the special weapon. It was something he’d usually laugh at, but now…“Please?”This silenced everyone in the room. No, No fucking way...They turned their heads to the chair where the asset spoke.“Please, you have to let me go.” It said. In clear sentences, in a voice that sounded so...human?Pierce stalked slowly. “What was that?”“Let me go, he needs me.”Or, the one where the horrors of HYDRA's experiments drive Rumlow to do something he never thought he would; return a broken Soldier back to his Captain.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Apologies in advance for any and all grammatical/ spelling errors.  
> This takes place before The Winter Soldier. It started off as a small piece that further explored Rumlow's character, but I kept having Ideas for other parts of the story. What if Rumlow didn't know who the Winter Soldier was? What if he found out? What if he knew about the soldiers history with Rogers?  
> This will be updated every month at least :)
> 
> No warnings for this chapter

    “Get a grip, you can do this.” Brock Rumlow repeated this little mantra to himself as he knocked on the door.  God this was stupid, why he even agreed to go show up was...just beyond him.  No matter how often he did this, he was still nervous. He went on missions for Hydra, lead the STRIKE team and successfully avoided discovery. Yet he was still unsure of how to handle situations like this. 

    It was after their latest mission, on the plane back when Barton, out of all people had done the unthinkable, and invited him to the Avengers Christmas party.  At first he’d thought it was a joke, but Barton looked at him dead in the eyes before saying, ‘listen man, just rsvp when you’re ready.’ Rumlow had been taken aback at the offer, but it would be rude not to go, right? 

    Rollins’s words echoed in his ears, “It’d be suspicious if you didn’t go I think” but then Rollins always had a knack for screwing him over. It made sense though, he’d grown closer with several members of the team throughout the last few months after the  Chitauri attack on the city. His Ma told him he’d always been this sort of guy who made friends with everyone. He once got to know a guy real good, only to shoot him in the head later. Sure the guy was a SHIELD enemy, but the chat was fun while it lasted.  

    The cheering and shouting inside had hushed and for a moment Rumlow had thought he’d arrived at the wrong cabin, but he shook his head almost immediately. Who else owned a five-store cabin with yards of Christmas lights everywhere, and the most extravagant blow-up figures everywhere. It practically screamed “Over-the-top”, but then he hadn’t been expecting any less.

   The door flew open and Rumlow was face to face...er, rather face to chest with Thor. The larger man smiled widely and opened his arms to envelop Rumlow in a hug. Thor wrapped his arms, almost painfully around the double agent, lifting him off the ground like a strange Norse Santa Claus. 

    “It’s good of you to join us!” Thor laughed.

   “Yeah, couldn’t miss this,” Rumlow barely got out. 

    Thankfully Banner could somehow tell he was suffocating in Thor’s grasp and called out,        

“Thor, you may want to give him a second.”  Thor seemed to catch on and all but dropped Rumlow, who didn’t have it in him to pretend he wasn’t already out of breath. 

“Thanks.” God this was gonna be a long night. 

    He smoothed his clothes out before dropping his gift underneath the insanely large christmas tree, which he’d say was Stark’s doing if he had to guess. 

     “Nice tree, and nice uh...star?” He pointed confusedly to a star shaped frame on top of the tree. The picture inside was of Rogers in uniform, pointing at the camera, mask and all, with words saying,”I want YOU to have a Merry Christmas.” Rumlow was deciding whether to laugh or cringe. 

     “It was Tony’s idea.” Rhodes said without missing a beat. Stark poked out from behind the tree, bearing a hideous sweater, “Um, pardon- it was actually Sam’s idea.” 

    “Hey, hey.” Wilson was quick to retort, “Don’t go blaming it on me, I was just joking, you took it seriously.” Rumlow took a seat next to Rogers, who rubbed his forehead seemingly done with Stark’s antics. That’s when Romanoff, Barton and Pepper brought out trays of salt rimmed glasses, lime slices and a large bottle. 

“Whoa what happened to champagne?” Rumlow asked, taking a shot from Romanoff. 

“Champagne's for the weak,” she said. The group broke into laughter, Rumlow found himself smiling at the remark. Natasha Romanoff was someone he took an instant liking too. She walked as though she knew something you didn’t, it was intimidating, not that he’d ever admit it to himself or anyone else.    
“Cheers to busting our asses all year round.” Barton was the first to raise his glass, spilling tequila over the brim. 

“Clint, at least wait until everyone has one.” 

“C’mon Nat, hurry it up.” 

    Rumlow saw her smirk slightly, but otherwise she did nothing. 

“Wait!” Thor reached into a small christmas bag and pulled out a strange looking flask with some writing Rumlow couldn’t make out. He unscrewed the flask and held it to Rogers. “Asgardian made, aged for a thousand years. Not fit for an everyday man unlike yourself.” Rumlow scoffed. 

     “If anything has an effect on you, it’ll be this.” Thor said proudly. 

    “Thanks Thor, we’ll see if it gets the job done.” Rogers sniffed the flask before bursting into a coughing fit.

    “God, what is that?” Rumlow found himself coughing at the lingering scent of strong liquor, much to Thor’s amusement. 

   “Does it matter? As long as it gets Captain tight-ass to loosen up a little.” Stark replied. 

    “Tell you what, I’ll have some if Tony does.” Rogers said with a smile. Stark stuck his tongue out. Thor took the flask after tipping a few drops in his and Rogers’s glass.

    “Alright, what are we cheersing for?” Banner asked. Rumlow watched as the Doctor poured some tequila back into the bottle. Must be an angry drunk, good idea then. It was Barton who carried out the cheers, almost impatiently.

   “Again, cheers to us and all the shit we do to keep this boat floating.” Everyone lifted their glasses and took the shot. Rumlow held in a snicker at the sight of some of their faces. Romanoff of course was as composed as ever. Barton already reached for the bottle. Banner took a minute to compose himself, guess he didn’t drink a lot. Tony took it like a champ, so did Pepper and Wilson.

     “Sorry guys, I’m more of a Perier man myself.” Rhodes said. Rumlow let himself chuckle at that. 

    “And how did you like that Steven?” Thor clapped Rogers on the back, harder than intended apparently, seeing as how the Captain was thrown into Rumlow’s shoulder. 

    “Sorry!” He immediately apologized and rightened himself.

     “It was good, surprisingly.” he said, lightly hitting his chest with a fist.

    “Just good, not fantastic? Life changing even? ” Barton put his feet on the table. “Hell, if something got me drunk for the first in a hundred years I’d be thrilled.”

     Romanoff hit his legs and shot in an unreadable look, causing him to roll his eyes and move his legs. “It was really great?” Rogers sounded more questionable than anything. Geez Cap, calm down. Rumlow thought ‘don’t wanna get too excited’. Before anyone could call him out on his fake enthusiasm, there was knocking at the door, followed by a loud voice.

   “Open up guys it’s freaking cold-I’m freezing my toes off.”  

    “Darcy!” Another person scolded loudly. 

    Thor all but ran to the door and whipped it open with such childish enthusiasm it took Rumlow back to being a kid himself. 

    “Jane!” he remarked loudly, scooping her up in his arms as she exclaimed, surprised.

     “Now don’t all of you welcome me at once.”  the other girl said. Wilson took her bag and coat commenting, “It’s good to see you Darcy.” Rumlow said his hellos, all the while wondering if he seemed like a lonely loser because he hadn’t brought anyone. He shook that thought out of his head, you probably couldn’t bring just anyone to parties like this. Though just a few minutes ago Stark had asked where his ‘murdery-looking’ other half was. Rollins was going to love that name.

    He had heard Thor talking about Jane and Darcy more than he’d cared too, they had apparently helped him save the world, twice. Everyday Avenger problems. Maybe he ought to stop complaining about his so-called exhausting life. 

 

  A little while later Agent Hill had shown up. It surprised him at first, how dressed down up she was. It was so different from her usual look, it was good. The group took turns telling stories, getting roudier and drunker. Rumlow even observed Romanoff, Rogers, and Banner all drink and laugh along with everyone else. Maybe it was the fancy booze, but he almost felt bad  for playing them the way he was. Whatever, he pushed those thoughts to the back of his head. They weren’t terrible company, and Thor’s stories of, _ what was it called- Asgard?  _ was actually really entertaining. 

     It was hours later, with plates piled in the sink and booze nearly gone, that they decided to exchange presents. Rumlow ended up with a pile of christmas sweaters and black t-shirts, and a few mugs. He really appreciated one that said, “ How do you shut an italian up? Tie his hands behind his back.” It took every ounce of his being to not deck Stark into that tree, that probably would’ve ruined the party.  

     Though Pepper came closer than he had when she pulled out lingerie that was barely there in front of everyone. Rumlow had a hard time deciding which was redder, the lingerie, Stark’s slapped cheek, or Roger’s blushing face. He was really starting to admire this Pepper Potts woman. He found himself adoring Romanoff even more as she glared at Barton, daring him to pass over the present he had gotten her. Rumlow would've guessed there was lingere or something worse, because Barton hadn’t moved a muscle toward the gift. 

    Thor may have actually been the only one to happily show off his Christmas themed underwear courtesy of Darcy, completed with a candy cane shaped pocket for his, uh- _ candycane.  _ Both Rumlow and Rogers had choked on their boozy eggnog when the demigod first held it up proudly. Banner uncharacteristically laughed so hard when he smacked the table eggnog flew everywhere. Good thing literally everyone had been given an ugly christmas sweater. 

    It was another hour or so everyone had passed around and opened presents. Rumlow had to hold his head up. With the combination of booze and a generally shitty sleeping schedule making him feel more tired than anyone else it seemed. He would’ve given up and slept had it not been for Barton’s vague ‘warning’ that he may wake up with sharpie dicks all over his face.     Yeah, actual murder wasn’t good for the holiday spirit, so he forced himself awake. Admittedly there were times when he found himself nodding off on Rogers bicep,which holy hell, was much softer than it looked. God, he could practically hear Rollins and his annoying-ass snickering in his ear. It was in the middle of a game of charades that Rogers had actually fallen asleep leaning against Rumlow’s shoulder. 

    “Steve what am I?” Barton asked before indignantly moving his entire body in a wave. Rumlow felt his head start to hurt. 

    “I’m an American flag blowing in the wind.” 

     “What the hell?” Stark for once that entire night, sounded fed up with someone else’s nonsense. 

   “C’mon Tony, I’m hilarious.” Barton laughed to himself.  Romanoff elbowed him. 

   “Oh!” Rumlow heard Jane exclaim from Thor’s lap. “Guys, Steve’s present!” Gosh another thing. Rogers seemed done with presents when he pulled out brown sugar and cinnamon flavoured edible lube, Rumlow would make a smartass comment if he wasn’t the one who’d got it for him. For the record, everyone else enjoyed theirs. Rhodes went to the back of the tree and picked up a fairly large box that had been hidden before. 

“Brock, wake him up.” Banner told him. Rumlow nearly forgot about the sleeping Captain on his shoulder. 

“Steve, pst- wake up Fury’s calling.” He snickered in the crook of his elbow. Rogers head went up, “reporting for duty sir,” he mumbled out, half asleep. The group laughed loudly, startling the Captain into awareness. 

  “Very funny.” He remarked, rubbing his eyes and smiling. “What is it.” It was Hill that cleared her throat. “First things first, is anyone gonna...” 

 “Got it.” Darcy said, as she took a seat across from Rogers and pulled out a camera. 

 “Guys, what’s going on?”

 “Hush Steve.” Romanoff told him, while rummaging in the bag. 

  Rumlow ignored his discomfort at everyone huddled together, squeezing into the frame of the camera. Yeah that had to be a pretty sight, all eleven of them squeezing on and around a poor couch. 

  “I thought we were done with presents.” Rogers questioned.

  “Would you just open the card please?” Wilson told him, it was more of an order than a question. Admittedly, Rumlow was curious. He had been told a few days prior to keep Rogers so busy, he wouldn’t have time to go to the Captain America exhibit . Romanoff told him it was because they needed to take a few things from the museum. As far as he knew, the plan was to re-wrap some of his old timey war memorabilia and give it to him. Stark had even said if they couldn’t figure anything out then he’d just buy the Captain a mustang. Even Rumlow knew Rogers wouldn’t really care either way, so he prodded as best as he could. Still, the only ones who knew completely what Rogers gift was had to be Wilson and Romanoff. 

    The Captain began with the card as Wilson instructed. Once again, Rumlow nearly found himself choking on eggnog as the card played loudly;

“ _ Who’s strong and brave, here to save the American Way? _

_ Who vows to fight like a man for what’s right night and day?  _

_ Who will campaign door-to-door for America,  _

_ Carry the flag shore to shore for America, _

_ From Hoboken to Spokane,  _

_ The Star Spangled Man with a Plan! _

 Rogers tried his best to seem upset, but he only chuckled. “That’s great guys,” he closed the card.  

“Keep going!” Darcy urged cheerfully. Rumlow found himself caught in anticipation for Rogers to open his gift, much to his annoyance. 

    Once the wrapping paper was torn off, Rogers held large, black hardcover scrapbook. Rumlow, being right beside him, got to see clearly. He read the words “The Memoir of Steve Rogers” in bold lettering. Rumlow watched with curiosity, as the composed Captain he knew so well changed before his eyes. As soon as Rogers opened the book he was shown pictures of men Rumlow could only guess were his old Howling Commandos pals. To the right were detailed descriptions of each member of the Commandos.  On the next page was a group photo of Rogers, the Commandos and a woman. Rumlow could tell the pictures here were restored versions of older pictures, he wasn’t no expert- but the pictures had this artificial look.    Nonetheless, Rogers smiled. 

     The next few pages held group photos, labelled pictures of other soldiers long dead and that same woman with the bright red lipstick and dark hair. Some of the pictures were ones Rumlow remembered seeing at the Smithsonian, not that he paid too much attention, but he’d caught a glimpse when he’d taken his niece to see the exhibit. That’s probably why they wanted him to make sure Rogers didn’t have time to visit the museum. Rumlow knew the Captain often visited the exhibit. He didn’t know why, he’d sure as hell gotten bored of the same Captain America displays. 

     He realized the room had grown silent, and Rogers stopped turning pages. On the page was a picture of a young man, younger than the rest of the Commandos. He wore a blue and grey uniform and carried a rifle on his shoulder in the picture. The page was turned with the utmost care. There was an article that looked like an interview, the leading picture was one of Rogers and that same young man mid laugh, sitting on a tank in their dirt covered uniforms. Not that he’d really cared before, but Rumlow realized he’d never seen Rogers smile that wide. 

    Honestly, he wasn’t sure he could smile anymore. Even when he did, it was so...strained-it was forced. Lost in thought, Rumlow nearly missed it as Rogers closed the book, he wasn’t even halfway through it. It was when he looked at his face that he realized the Captain smiled sadly. 

    “Thanks, you guys. This is, it’s great.” He sniffed and rubbed his nose, which had somehow gotten red in a matter of seconds. 

    “There’s one more.” Wilson said. Rogers looked unsure, but reached into the bag. He was visibly shaking, but smiled nonetheless. Rumlow saw a framed picture of some kid, small, blond, full of bruises and…- wait. He looked closer. That was Rogers. This sickly looking scrawny kid in the picture was their Captain. Damn. He knew the serum did wonders, but… holy hell. Next to Rogers in the picture was a boy, bigger than him, grinning a toothy grin and wrapping an arm around the other boy. Rumlow thought for a minute, it was the young man on the previous pages. 

    “There’s something behind the picture.” Romanoff told Rogers. But Rogers looked shaken from seeing the picture. His hands shook and for a second he looked almost helpless, before looking up at Rumlow. “Can you just..?”    
    “Yeah sure, lemme …” Rumlow took the picture from Rogers’s shaking hands with more care and concentration than he’d given anything in his life, and took it out of the frame. Sure enough, behind it was a note scribbled on what looked like a handkerchief. Rogers picked up the note.  “Read it!” Darcy chirped loudly. Rumlow winced, he’d forgotten she was filming everything. 

    Rogers gasped, actually fucking gasped. Being so close, Rumlow could see his face twisted into a pained expression as his lip quivered. Still, he began to read. 

 

_ “Dear Steve,  how’re you holding up back home?  _

_ I’ll bet the apartment is nice n’ quiet without me there huh?  _

_ Well sorry, don’t get used to it. Cause I’ll be back before you know it. _

_ And if I find out you did anything stupid, well pal just wait and see. _

 

Rogers paused to laugh. It sounded sadder than anything. He swallowed thickly and carried on. 

 

_ You’ll probably call me an ungrateful sap,  _

_ But I still don’t wanna be here, I know you’d kill for a chance like this, _

_ But you’re not missing out on anything. I’m the one missing out, you know?  _

_ I miss Ma n’ Pa, and Becca too. How are they?  _

_ Make sure you check on them as often as you can.  _

_ I’ll write to you soon.   _

_ -Your pal, Bucky  _

 

    As if instinctive, Rogers turned the handkerchief around knowingly. Rumlow was surprised to see there was writing on that side too. 

   “That side might be hard to read.” Wilson told him. “We had to get rid of a big fat ‘censored’ stamp that covered most of it.” What? Why would they censor half a letter? 

Rogers took a breath in. 

 

_ Dear Stevie, God I hope they just leave this letter alone.  _

_ I miss you.  You couldn’t imagine how badly I want to be back home with you.  _

_ Not that the fellas here aren’t great company, but nothing compares to you.  _

_ Hopefully I’ll have fought enough one day, and they’ll say  _

_ “Sergeant Barnes- you are relieved of your duty, have a nice life.”  _

_ And it would be a nice life Stevie, as long as I’m with you,  _

_ Till the end of the line. Remember that? I’m holding onto that.  _

_ I can’t wait to see you in a few months. _

_ I can’t wait to hold you and kiss you and tell you I love you.  _

_ You know that Stevie? I love you, and I miss you.  _

_ All the shit I’ve done, everything I’ve been through, _

_ It’s worth it knowing you’re home safe.  _

_ Everything will be worth it  when I get back  _

_ We’ll just lay in bed and hold each other _

_ We’ll stay there as long as you want,  _

_ You love that- I do too. _

_ I can’t wait to see you,  _

_ Stevie, I love you. _

_ -Your best’ guy,   _

_ Your Bucky  _

 

    Rumlow watched with a mix of sorrow and awe as Rogers brought a hand up to wipe his tear streaked face. For a second Rumlow couldn’t think straight. He thought the Captain was?... No way. No way in hell did Captain America fall for a man, he could’ve had any woman he wanted. Maybe not when he was that scrawny kid. Seriously, the only person that could love someone so sickly was...was this Bucky guy apparently. Rumlow peered around at everyone’s faces.

     Tony was holding Pepper, both wore sad expressions. Jane and Thor had tears in their eyes. Banner sat with an unreadable expression on his face. Rhodes and Hill both had a look of sympathy. Barton stood, an arm around Darcy who had abandoned the camera and now wiped her own eyes. Wilson and Romanoff just had a look of knowing. Wilson put a hand on Roger’s shoulder. “We found it in the Museum archives,” he said. “You wouldn’t believe the paperwork to get it out.” 

    “Steve? Are you okay?” Romanoff asked, crouching in front of him. 

Rogers nodded, but bowed his head. Romanoff was quick to pull him into her arms. She muttered something in russian, quietly. Rumlow realized then, that his face was wet, he’d been crying. He brushed it off. One moment of weakness. It wouldn’t happen again. He wouldn’t weep for a man long dead. 

    Rogers pulled away. “I’m fine,” he said. “Thank you, thank you for this. I love it. He put the letter back behind the picture and held it close to his chest. “Just, thank you- I love...I love this.” Before he could escape Rumlow found himself in the middle of a group hug that was not half as unpleasant as one might think.

    The night went on, drinking, cheesy games and more stories passed on. This time he noticed Rogers. He’d actually spoken, told stories of Brooklyn that were less like an old man reminiscing and more like an actual friend talking to his other friend. It was nice. God he must’ve been drunk, because he found himself also talking about past Christmases. Boy those were a different set of memories he'd locked the hell up a long time ago. Alright, between the fancy booze, the ten star cabin and the good company, this wasn’t as horrible as he’d thought it’d be. He chuckled, ‘suck on that Rollins’. 

  
  



	2. Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bad dream and the morning after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone. Just wanna keep this short and sweet. This story was just a silly little idea in my head, it was really fun to write the first few chapters- and I had no idea people would respond the way they did. Thank you, and not to worry. This story will continue, and no the next update won't take nearly as long. :)

_There was an emergency, they hadn’t been told any more than that. Rumlow arrived in the vault as one of the doctors fell to the floor, a hole in his gut. He convulsed, reminding him of a fish out of the water, it would’ve been comical if not for the tense atmosphere._

_He spared a glance at his friend. Rollins remained ridged, not daring to even wipe the blood from where it spattered on his cheek. Despite his clenched jaw and unmoving form, Rumlow recognized something else. Anxiety. Which meant Rollins knew something he didn’t._

_Rollins looked like he’d seen a ghost. It was something he could only recall seeing a few times. (Once when their squadron had been taken_ hostage _and tortured. They were the only two who walked out of that place alive, though maybe ‘walking’ was too generous a word. Another time was when they’d become trapped under some collapsed building, and it seemed they would slowly suffocate to death. The last time was when Rollins had heard that his wife had been killed by some unnamed group of enemies he’d managed to make while working with HYDRA for the last few years)._

_“I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you’re telling me. What exactly is the problem?” Pierce asked. He stood straight with his hands in his pockets, looking over the scene with unnerving calmness. He eyed one particular doctor, who pushed his glasses up his nose and swallowed visibly. His hands shook as he turned over a page from a file._

_“Well uh- it’s complicated,” said the lanky hunched over man. He looked back up with a look that screamed anxiety. Then came an unnerving chuckle from their leader._

_“Well, of course, this is complicated. If it were simple, it would be easy. If it were easy I wouldn’t need you here, would I? So doctor, please re-evaluate your choice of words.”_

_“Sir, there were some miscalculations, something went wrong in the last procedure. It appears the treatment...was ineffective this time. The medications administered were...well they didn’t work.”_

_“Medication?” Pierce asked, stepping over the dead man. A sickening squish echoed in the room as his shoes squeaked from the blood he’d stepped in. He stood by the stretcher, directly in front of the Asset, who sat showing no awareness of Its surroundings._   
_“Yes, Sir. Before we get started on the ECT we usually administer a high dose of sedatives. It can be better for the Asset if rendered unconscious beforehand- that way there is a decreased risk of permanent brain damage or any other permanent injuries and pain. The problem is the sedatives wouldn’t work this time.”_

_“I see..., and what do you mean by ‘it won’t work’?” Pierce bent down slightly to look into the eyes of the Asset. From across the room, Rumlow could see the emptiness. It was less like looking into a person's eyes, more like looking into the eyes of a mindless animal awaiting it’s Master’s instructions._

_“Exactly that. It seems he...-it’s built up a tolerance to the sedatives.” The doctor shifted on his feet and glanced over at his dead colleague. “And maybe a tolerance to the treatment.”_

_Pierce whipped back around to face the doctor. “So what the fuck are you going to do about it?” he walked until he pushed the doctor up against the wall. Rumlow made eye contact with Rollins for the second time._   
_“Increasing the voltage, the time- anything, it could kill It! Or leave It blank. It was too risky to proceed with the Asset still awake, so we had to hold off on wiping it…-_

_He choked as blood gurgled up his throat. Damn, Pierce was a quick shot._

_He turned to the last doctor in the room. He was a small man, considerably young and rather_ mouseish _. Still, he looked up confidently while saying, “the Asset hasn’t been wiped since It came out of cryofreeze, much to my disappointment. As the newest member of the medical team, I was told to keep my mouth shut and obey their orders. I warned the others of the dangers of keeping It awake and unwiped for so long.”_

_Although he’d been in training to become the Assets new handler, Rumlow had no idea what they were talking about; and it seemed like everyone else in the room did. Sure he had known to keep the Asset ‘out’ for so long could result in It becoming confused, or otherwise defective. Which is why the treatment was so vital, but that couldn’t possibly be the reason for all this._

_Pierce closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation. “Let me say this once, for anyone, and everyone in here.” he opened his eyes. “If the Asset stays out of cryo and goes without ECT for so long, then It becomes harder to deal with, harder to control or to discipline. It becomes hysterical, so to speak.” Pierce’s tone was that of a fed up parent explaining something to their stupid kid. And still, Rumlow didn’t quite understand._

_He didn’t understand anything,_

_... until he did._

_“Please.”_

_Pierce froze, Rumlows eyes widened. No, No fucking way… Their attention was locked to the face of their weapon. A face which held unshed tears, and a quivering lip._

_“Please, you have to let me go.” It said. In clear sentences, in a voice that sounded so...human? Hell, It’s voice even cracked at the end of the pleading. It even drew in shaky breaths like a person would._

_Pierce stalked slowly. “What was that?”_

_“Let me go, he needs me. I told him I’d be back.” he turned his head around, trying to beg to anyone who could help him. “He won’t make it without me, he’s so sickly, please. I can’t die here, I have to go home to him.”_

_Pierce lingered for a moment before raising a hand and striking the Asset across the face. “Wipe him, and do it right this time,” he said hastily, then walked straight out of the room._

_Rumlow and the other men quickly moved to hold the struggling Asset down as the remaining doctor worked to set up the machine. Then, Rumlow made the mistake of locking eyes with It. Wide, blue eyes stared into his own._

_“Please don’t do this, oh god don’t!” the Asset cried- actually fucking cried. It pleaded to Rumlow, who tightened his grip across Its chest and shoulder. As soon as the straps were set they stepped back._

_The Asset continued to look right at him. “Help me, please, help!”_

_And just as the other times, the switches were activated, the Assets body tensed and It let out a guttural scream. It spasmed and jerked violently as blood leaked from Its mouth. “Shit...we forgot the gag”, said Anderson who starred on with morbid curiosity. Rumlow looked to his feet, unable to face what was happening. Then came the smell of burnt hair and flesh and human waste. He could hear Rollins throwing up by his right._

     Rumlow awoke to the smell of burnt toast and a loud ringing noise filling the house and unfortunately, also filling his sensitive eardrums. He groaned and sat up quickly, immediately regretting that decision when as his head began spinning. God, how much had he drank that night?  
     “Fucking-shit fuck!” someone yelled from the kitchen. Beside him, Rogers jolted awake with mind-blowing reflexes, whereas Romanov slowly sat up looking all too hungover to be coherent.

     “Don't worry about that. Clint burned the toast is all,” Wilson said nonchalantly, walking into the room with a tray. The smell of fresh coffee filled the room, it almost made up for being woken by a screaming alarm.

     Rumlow took a cup, turning down any milk or sugar and sat up. He took a minute to close his eyes and inhale the strong, black liquid. For all the shit he talks about Stark, his tastes were impeccable. Specifically, his taste in coffee; which reminded him of the depressingly low-quality instant mix he has for breakfast every day. He made a mental note to steal a bag of coffee beans from the kitchen later.

     Everyone silently sipped on their coffee, all undoubtedly dealing with some variation of a hangover. About an hour or so later and the others came downstairs. “Remind me  
why we got stuck on the couches again?” Said Hill, as she massaged her neck.

     “It's not like you were awake to argue.” Said Rhodes, holding his own cup of tea. Rumlow looked around and noticed a couple people missing, “where's the big guy?”  
     “Bruce doesn’t like it when we invite him to parties, unfortunately.” Stark replies without missing a beat.  
     “Ha ha.” Said Bruce with a mouthful of buttered toast and a face that looked less than amused.  
     “He left last night.,” said Pepper as she re-tied her bun. He could’ve sworn there were a few hickeys on her neck.  
     “Left for Asgard?” Rogers asked.  
     “No, left to Chicago to visit Dr. Selvigg with Jane and Darcy.”  
     “So soon? Now you think they would've stayed a little longer...,” Stark continued as Rumlow lost interest. He threw his blanket around until he found his phone.

_Messages_   
_Jackie-boy (4)_

_He opened his messages;_

_So I take it you're either dead or having the time of your life?_  
 _You know it’s not fair you get to_ party _and I’m babysitting the new recruits_  
You _still sleeping? Lazy ass_  
 _Hey wake up asshole_

_He replied;_   
_Be nicer and maybe next time you can be my plus one ;)_

 

      The morning had went by quickly. There was a lot of cleaning up to do, despite Stark insisting he’d call someone to deal with it in a few days. Once the place looked half decent again, people started to leave one by one. Rumlow was one of the last few still around, he and a few others were apparently going to squeeze into a single vehicle and head back into town.  
     “All settled? Everyone have everything?” Rogers asked from the drivers’ seat. Naturally, he was the only one fairly unaffected by lasts nights drinking, so they didn’t have to look far for a driver.  
     “Yep, I think we’re good.” Barton called from the backseat. He and Romanov had called the back before anyone was out the door. Wilson and Hill occupied the middle. It was clear the two had gotten closer since they’d first been introduced, despite it not being that long ago. Rumlow sat in the passenger's seat with his jacket balled up against the window as sort of a makeshift pillow. He didn’t intend on staying awake for the drive.

     They’d maybe been driving for a little less than an hour when Rumlow decided sleep definitely wasn’t coming for him. Through the mirror he could see the other four had managed to doze off. It was just him and Rogers awake, so he may as well-

     “Alright Rogers, so I’ve got to ask,” he began.

      “Steve.”

     “What?”

     “Nothing, it’s just that last night you said you’d start calling me Steve, not ‘Rogers’ or ‘Captain’ when we aren’t working.”

     “Huh, shit well anyway…”

     “Yeah?” Rogers briefly took his eyes off the road to also check on the other passengers.

     “About last night.” How should he put this? “How did somethin’ like that make it outta the history books? The letter I mean.” he doubted any of this mattered to hydra or any of the ‘higher ups’, this may be the first time he was talking to Rogers, (or he guessed it was Steve) out of genuine curiosity.

     Steve smiled, something about it didn’t reach his eyes. “Well, we weren’t the only two people like that back then. In love, I mean. God it feels so strange to say it outloud… but the letter was from early on, way before I joined. It not like it wasn’t a big deal but I guess it didn’t matter. I mean, what’re they gonna do about a couple a’ queer kids from the shitty part of Brooklyn, right?”  
Rumlow didn’t know what to say. “Yeah, right.” he cleared his throat after a few minutes of silence. “So what happened to him?”

     Steve huffed a sigh, “haven’t you heard? ‘James Buchanan Barnes was the only Howling Commando to give his life in the line of action’, ” he said as he tried to replicate the voiceover from the museum exhibits. He shook his head, “it was all my damn fault.”

     Rumlow shifted in his seat and scratched his neck. “I’m sure it’s not that simple.” He was never good at consolation. A few more minutes of uncomfortable silence passed before Steve spoke up again.

     “The mission was to bring in someone in, that’s all. We ziplined onto a moving train, took down enemy soldiers and everything was fine until that hydra bastard shot at him.” He gritted his teeth.

     Rumlow went cold. The ferocity from his Captain practically radiated in waves. He wondered what would happen if Steve knew about his double agent identity.

     “He was shot?”

     “No. The shot sent him flying through the wall of the train. He held on as long as he could while I tried to reach him. In the end, I watched him fall till he disappeared. Few days after that I crashed a plane into the ocean, and here I am.”

     Rumlow opened his mouth, thinking of something, anything he could say. “Jesus fuck, Steve that’s...I’m sorry for you.”

     “Yeah well, part of me knew I’d lose people I cared about. We were fighting a war.”

     “Still, you loved him. How did you keep going after that?”

     Steve smiled and shrugged.

     “It’s all I can do.”

**Author's Note:**

> And that's all for now. Thanks for reading, leave a comment :)


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